We grew up imitating our parents, older friends, people we see on TV, etc. We wanted to imitate their looks, what they say, what they do, etc. We then are able to see who we are on the outside and love it because we start to look like that imitation, only in our own way.
In this way, we didn’t have to think for ourselves in situations because we would just do and say what we observed. We would only have to think in order to link the imitation to our own life and then simply act. We did this so much that now its tough to understand how our own minds work: how we come to decide our actions, our words and how to act on what we need/desire to say and do when it isn’t a “norm.”
When there is room to think for ourselves we either decide to just act on an imitation or we entertain that space away. For example, we will watch TV or facebook for hours when we are bored and until something planned happens (like school, work, or dinner with family or friends) we will stress to continue entertaining that chunk of time (no matter how big the chunk of time is) away into the unmemorable, unsatisfying past.
It’s got to be time for us to re-train the way are minds are used in order to think for ourselves and when there is some space or some room to be ourselves then we reasonably think about what we need/desire to do, say, or focus on. For a simplified example of the opposite of this, if you are a “man” (I am male by the way) and you honestly just made sweet love, having the most tender sex you’ve ever had that was satisfying in every sense with a woman and you’re buddies ask what happened, mostly a “man” will leave out that entire sentence besides “satisfying” and add “bone” to the end of it. Simply to imitate a “cool man” and move past the topic.
This confuses our sense of self. We lose our honesty, integrity (especially with that experience we simplified with “satisfied bone”), and we lose our skill on how to say and do things our real way over time.
Golden by My Morning Jacket is one of those beautiful songs that can be listened to over and over again for years and years. Also, the lyrics by Jim James contain a pair of sentences that parallels some of my words about entertaining the space away (in Jim James’ case, with alcohol) and imitating to the point where there is no meaning or realness in our words.
“People always told me that bars are dark and lonely; and talk is often cheap and filled with air. Sure, sometimes they thrill me, but nothin’ could ever chill me like the way they make the time just disappear.”