The Student

There is always a transition happening in front of us. Whether it be:

  • Needing to pee, so we stop what we are doing and go to the bathroom
  • A friend’s death, so we stop our routine to mourn in the depths of our emotional response
  • Changing careers, so we uproot our stable abode

Some transitions may be more significant than others, but the minutes are teeming with consecutive alterations of our original plan for the day.

Life has shown me that I am always a student…and this comes from the understanding that:

If I am not willing to learn at every step, then the transition…the experience…will just pass me by

It will pass by…regardless of my grip…or my shove…to push it away…to keep it around.

The consequence of change stubbornly passing through time is that the next transition in my life hits me even harder. Harder, because I see everything I learned last time, yet I did nothing to change or grow during the space between. I fall in the same traps, but this time I am crowded with anticipation in knowing my demise.

Here is where it hits home:

During these major or minor transitions, I show my REAL self…my TRUE character…the person that I live with every single day in (what I thought was) my invisible mind. Here…in this exact moment…are the split seconds where there is absolutely no hiding place, no image that masks my truth, and no material that covers my pain.

In these flashes, I may learn that:

  • I only care about how I feel to the point of long-term destruction.
  • I stay calm, breathe, and see what room there is to grow for the next time this situation, or a similar one, rolls around.

Regardless of my choice through the transition, every second contains the potential to open up, learn, and grow until I find out who I am and what influence I can shed in this world around me.

I see there is no benefit to rolling away from the realities in front of me. And, I do see the benefit of rolling down in the depths of the truth and moving with it. This is because rolling away from reality may mask the pain, but will come back and punch me until the bruises come to the surface. Rolling down in the depths of truth will create a person that is resilient in the face of pain as I develop a perpetual wisdom that enters into the never-ending choices influencing my direction towards my life’s dreams and potentials.

This is a new song of mine and a live recording that I did just for this post. Joy Polimeni accompanies me with vocals.

Roll by Kevin Carlstead (lyrics below video):

Her smile is shining

Tears roll down my cheek

The memories are screaming

Bring her back to me

Roll Out

As we fear the pain

We suffocate

I try’n listen slowly

‘Cause life keeps pushing me

I cannot see so clearly

Cut till the pain bleeds

Roll Out

As we fear the pain

We fail ourselves

But

Roll Down

Don’t stay the same

Sink deep within

I found her deep within me

Face me

I’m scared, I won’t be breathing

Face me

I’m taking it slow

Roll Down

Allow the pain

Fall on the knife

Roll Down

As we face the pain

We face ourselves

About Kevin Carlstead

I graduated as a hospitality and psychology student at University of Denver. I spent most of my teenage and young adult years in the hospitality industry. I am still searching for what industry suits my personality and talents so that I can feel more meaning throughout my days. My current career pursuit has me enrolled in a graduate program to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I was born and raised in San Diego, CA. I love music with something to it. I love life with something to it. I have made it one of my purposes in this life to integrate both of these things that I love. This blog and my own songwriting has given me the platforms to do that very thing. Thank you for reading.
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