Finally! A day off from work and I was able to stick to my quarantine schedule.
Work Out √ Meditation √ School Stuff √ Eat & Sleep Well √
Work Out √ Meditation √ School Stuff √ Eat & Sleep Well √
Work Out √ Meditation √ School Stuff √ Eat Well √
Oh, and it was the start of my wife’s weekend. Time to drink some wine! Whoops…the bottle is gone…and, I fell asleep at 2am.
I woke up at 12pm and saw that my professor sent me an email telling me that the paper was done incorrectly for a reason that was out of my control. I felt dragged through the mud. It was almost as if my computer had crashed when I was writing my paper and I had to muster up the motivation to restart it from scratch. I was completely deflated.
I tried to stick to my schedule this day…and, I kind of did…but, I skipped school stuff…I couldn’t go to bed till 2am for “some” reason.
I woke up at 8am. Tried to stick to my schedule, but I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything for school. I chalked it up to…“well, I needed a weekend and I will start back on Monday.”
I was frustrated with myself. I was going to bed late while distracting myself with The Office, Ozark, Super Smash Bros, and various movies. I was starting to feel my school and health responsibilities scream out to me from behind a semi-soundproof wall.
During this 1st week of my quarantine, I was reading 10 articles per day on COVID19. I was seeing the amount of deaths, the societal controls in place, the suffering businesses, and the millions of people suffering in financial and emotional ways. But, as I usually do when I hear about the sufferings around the world, I had a wall up. At first, my wall was sturdy; the stories were just objectively informing me without piercing my emotions or my personal context. But, slowly…this wall began to deteriorate. The email from my professor informing me that my paper was done incorrectly definitely threw down my defenses a bit. The crumbling of my “perfect” quarantine schedule smashed the wall more. Each COVID19 news article that had no positive conclusion (all of them), took away one brick of my wall at a time. My wall was teetering like the end of a Jenga game. My fears and doubts were doing everything possible to tear the rest of it down and get my attention. I was distracting away from those thoughts and feelings with entertainment to the point that I could only close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of a television series melting its story into my brain.
My Tuesday and Wednesday classes started up on the 31st after a week-long spring break. During the break, the papers and other items due didn’t seem to hold any significance in my life because they didn’t fit the circumstances of what was happening in the world. However, now with the remote classes back in session, my motivation trickled back.
After class on Tuesday, I was feeling a bit better. I was, at the very least, motivated towards some outer purpose again. With this newly found motivation bolstered by a great talk with my wife, I was able to develop some new inspiring ways of pushing myself forward:
- I looked at what typically were my life purposes and tried to shift them towards the new environment
- I also looked at developing perspective, context, and flexibility when responding to the floods of information funneling through my present senses, past memories, and future anticipations in my mind (adaptable thinking)
What I Learned this Week:
Schedules are not going to work 100% of the time. Perfection is an illusion and schedules are typically made by anticipating perfection. Anticipation is never how the actual situation turns out. Schedules should be a framework of understanding. A schedule is beneficial if I glance at it every now and again to ensure I am still staying gently disciplined on the priorities that I put together.
Uncertainty has always been a fact of life. But now the awareness of uncertainty has become a piece of every conversation, every car ride passing empty parking lots, every news article, and even google has a massive caution sign on their search bar to remind us what we are all going through. This forced awareness is unfortunate because it makes it hard to follow one of the most important mental and emotional tips that I have discovered: focusing on uncertainty isn’t productive. It is important to understand how we can all help flatten the curve for the hospitals and our world communities, however reading only one news article per week on COVID19 will suffice for developing that necessary knowledge. Focusing on uncertainty is a black hole. We can choose to go down it…or we can acknowledge uncertainty and then choose to focus on our constantly shifting passions and purposes in life…and all the other good stuff that is surrounding us all the time.
I am getting closer to the wrap up of my 2nd week of quarantine. This 2nd week definitely got worse before it got better. I am really beginning to understand the ebb and flow of this situation…and I will say, that the resilient part of my 2nd week in quarantine has been extremely insightful and mentally & emotionally significant. I am very excited to share week 2 with you 🙂
Speaking of positive news. If at all possible, try to sit with your uninterrupted mind for at least 30 minutes a day. This practice helps me to see what my mind needs to let go of (uncertainty usually) and what my mind truly needs in this moment. I do a focused breathing to these playlists below. I breathe in through my nose for 8 seconds and breathe out through my mouth for 6-8 seconds. It doesn’t matter if I stop that focus…once I notice that I stopped, I just start the focused breath-work back up again. I do my best to keep that going for the 30 minutes because it helps remind me to let go of any thought or feeling that comes up. Practicing letting go is important, especially right now since we need to get better at focusing on and talking about the positive stuff in life.
There is no amazing way for me to send these playlists to you. So, I have them on Spotify for those who have that premium service (or Apple Music if you want me to send them to you separately). If you do not have premium music services like this, then you will still be able to see what songs are on the playlists and hopefully gather them in that order. Yes…the order really matters…so, if you want the Kevin experience, then you cannot shuffle the songs 😊. I love making playlists and I usually put them in an order where it flows the best for the mood that I am going for…and meditation is absolutely a certain type of relaxed mood.
Unfortunately, I can’t fix this one. “Shamanic Healing” won’t play, which is fine. So I replaced it with “Love’s Winged Messenger” but Shamanic Healing still shows up. Please disregard it…Spotify will already automatically disregard it when you play the playlist.
SIDE NOTE! I love all the pet adoptions that are happening right now. It is extremely positive that we can utilize this “free” time to love and support the animals in need around each of our regions. My dogs have never been happier 😊