I do not like to be uncertain

I fight for an explanation of why it happened

I fight for an explanation of what the future might look like

I fight for certainty

~

The battle takes me far from my home

~

I do not like to be bored

I fight to be busy

I fight to not experience pain and responsibility

I fight to feel dead

~

The battle abandons me in the desert

~

I wake up alive

And, I choose to continue living

I am now responsible for my own survival

And, I am overwhelmed with independence

~

I fight to find comfort

~

I see a map

I mark my home

I begin to run

My mind is numb

~

The house is gone

… 

Being alive is not about the end

My home is not a place

It is the journey towards each fulfillment

It is the awkwardness in between

 ~

No matter how uncertain

No matter how unstimulating

No matter how uncomfortable

No matter how overwhelming the task

~ 

Life seems to be about

…patiently

………lightly

……………humbly

………………vulnerably

………………….and independently

committing to each small adventure throughout my day that fulfills my responsibilities of being alive

…

 When I commit to the journey, I am home