I do not like to be uncertain

I fight for an explanation of why it happened

I fight for an explanation of what the future might look like

I fight for certainty


The battle takes me far from my home


I do not like to be bored

I fight to be busy

I fight to not experience pain and responsibility

I fight to feel dead


The battle abandons me in the desert


I wake up alive

And, I choose to continue living

I am now responsible for my own survival

And, I am overwhelmed with independence


I fight to find comfort


I see a map

I mark my home

I begin to run

My mind is numb


The house is gone




Being alive is not about the end

My home is not a place

It is the journey towards each fulfillment

It is the awkwardness in between


No matter how uncertain

No matter how unstimulating

No matter how uncomfortable

No matter how overwhelming the task

Life seems to be about





………………….and independently

committing to each small adventure throughout my day that fulfills my responsibilities of being alive



 When I commit to the journey, I am home


About Kevin Carlstead

I graduated as a hospitality and psychology student at University of Denver. I spent most of my teenage and young adult years in the hospitality industry. I am still searching for what industry suits my personality and talents so that I can feel more meaning throughout my days. My current career pursuit has me enrolled in a graduate program to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I was born and raised in San Diego, CA. I love music with something to it. I love life with something to it. I have made it one of my purposes in this life to integrate both of these things that I love. This blog and my own songwriting has given me the platforms to do that very thing. Thank you for reading.
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