Being Vulnerable = understanding that I cannot fit a perfect definition…and, that the value in “who I am” (when trying to connect) comes from my competence in staying authentic, warm, and attentive.
It is tough to be vulnerable. But, that’s because it is hard to be present. And, how can I be vulnerable when these tempting illusions of perfection and control ultimately stifle my authenticity?
The more I debunk perfectionism, the closer I can be to accepting, acknowledging, and embracing my imperfect mind and body.
The more I realize that control kills a connection…and, the more I realize how control is not even possible…the less I try to grip and change my thoughts, emotions, body’s feelings, other people, and nature…and, the more I can just focus on my true responses to each of these facts.
The more I start each moment with honesty, the easier it is to keep being authentic from that point forward.
Let’s say I am out and about with some friends, and I am asked about a particular band. I respond saying “oh yea! They are great!” But, what I really meant to say was “oh, I’ve never heard of them. Do you like them?”
Well, now that I lied to gain acceptance, I don’t want to be called a liar (because “somehow” that is worse), so I keep up the facade. And, I get stuck in a spiral of lies to keep up this idea that I am the perfect lover of music.
Instead…I could have started with “oh. I have never heard of them. Do you like them?” And, that would have been the most relaxing, warm, and authentic response to the conversation.
And…now that I have said it right off the bat, I can more easily stay stride for stride with this vulnerability…and, now they get to share a band with me that may mean a lot to them.
(Side note – if I did lie…I can admit my folly, briefly apologize, and move forward with my authentic self from there…but, it would take a bit more vulnerability and a bit more courage)
Once I can be more vulnerable, more attainable, and more warm with my responses…once I expand my attention-span to maintain a consistent presence here…the more I will embrace my honest self in public.