Interminable

Interminable – Explanation:

When something or someone is new in my life, I never want to let it go. It’s fun, exciting, and the thrill seems like it will never end.

But, it does.

The new…consistently becomes…the old. The children…consistently become…the adults. And when it comes to living with me (because I can’t change that), I’ve seen the same habits, stories, and issues happen over and over again. It’s sickening. When will I get better? When will I be the person I want to be…always perfect…good at everything…amazing in every way? When will I be someone new?

I have distracted from myself with movies, lovers, and life-changing experiences…but those all became old too. I will find myself “going through the motions” after a while. And, at that point, It is glaringly obvious that I am back with the same old me.

But, hold on, isn’t there something beautiful hidden in everything that appears gloomy? For example, I will always be the one I get to come home too. So, why not spruce the place up?

I can make it a nice home to come back to: Encouraging. Loving. Kind.

I can find new life in my failures: Resilience. Positivity. Growth.

I can finally be around someone who thinks the person I am right now is enough and is actually pretty frickin cool: Imperfect. No expectations. Observing my strengths.

This poem is the transition from self-loathing to self-love. It is the transition from being a malleable commodity to a pretty sweet human being with many strengths and imperfect qualities. I am working my way towards becoming enough for me.

About Kevin Carlstead

I graduated as a hospitality and psychology student at University of Denver. I spent most of my teenage and young adult years in the hospitality industry. I am still searching for what industry suits my personality and talents so that I can feel more meaning throughout my days. My current career pursuit has me enrolled in a graduate program to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I was born and raised in San Diego, CA. I love music with something to it. I love life with something to it. I have made it one of my purposes in this life to integrate both of these things that I love. This blog and my own songwriting has given me the platforms to do that very thing. Thank you for reading.
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1 Response to Interminable

  1. Beautiful and haunting poem, Kevin. If we could only sustain that one thought, that we are enough the way we are, or we are fabulous the way we are 🙂 Here you are, such an amazing person, and you still deal with self-criticism. This evolutionary bias of negativity has us all in the same boat. It is just hard for us to orientate to seeing our positive natures and strengths. It is beautiful when we do and experience the self-love and compassion that you come to. It is funny that we feel like we have to wrestle ourselves to the ground to get there sometimes. Cheers! Here is to celebrating you, me, and all of us humans who share the joy and craziness of our humanity. Thanks for another great post.

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