Once I give the go ahead to that systemic stranger, that lustful impulse, or that intimidating and harassing feeling…then I am throwing away so much of today’s tank of resources (energy, hormones, motivation, and purpose) on those short-term highs, those temporarily stimulating vices, or those over-time-depleting and tolerance-building “drugs.”

Instead of allowing these razor-thin appetites to drown out my consciousness, I can pause before I act on anything, take a breath as the brief glimpse of manipulating urges simmer and fade, and remember the long-term aspirations that I have established in my life…each step further bearing meaning, fun, survival, community, and connection.

I’ve tried…with force…to control my response…and it’s impossible. Influencing my response…as nice as it sounds…is passively manipulative with easy access to revolution.

I do have the ability to create a safe, light, and kind space beneath the surface where I am more likely to make a decision I prefer.

By developing knowledge about myself, others, and life…developing preferences for needs vs impulses…and seeing myself, others, and life in attainable and imperfect ways (the ways in which we tend to fall when the dust settles)…I can create a consciousness that wants to use my naturally created energy, hormones, motivation, and purpose to establish greater intrinsic value instead of following dead-end, short-lived stimulation.

~~As long as I provide myself the time~~

…to pause, breathe, and socialize with…

…………the consciousness I have built…

……………………and the resources and facts in my context…


…creating a loving space…

…………and directing myself towards those marathon rewards…

……………………will be more consistently possible…

~~And, at that point~~

…I will find it less appealing to crave and desperately depend on…

…………trying to control or influence myself, others, and life.

About Kevin Carlstead

I graduated as a hospitality and psychology student at University of Denver. I spent most of my teenage and young adult years in the hospitality industry. I am still searching for what industry suits my personality and talents so that I can feel more meaning throughout my days. My current career pursuit has me enrolled in a graduate program to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I was born and raised in San Diego, CA. I love music with something to it. I love life with something to it. I have made it one of my purposes in this life to integrate both of these things that I love. This blog and my own songwriting has given me the platforms to do that very thing. Thank you for reading.
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