Loving Me

~Disclaimer: As I write this blog post at this time in my life, I am privileged as an able-bodied and able-minded person with access to the majority of my basic needs and rights~

When my thoughts, emotions, and physical feelings come, then I’ll allow them to rumble through my mind and body

My mind is capable of handling it. This is called processing and it’s what the mind does…alone…without me butting in. Just in the same way that my physical body can function without me having to pump my own heart…pull in my own oxygen.

I only need to nurture my mind and body with water, nutrition, sleep, shelter, exercise, connection, etc.

As a human, I have consciousness

My consciousness can be described similarly to the lightbulb in a movie projector. The light allows me to see the film. It doesn’t alter the characters. It doesn’t perpetuate the story.

When I let my consciousness do what it was meant to do (allow my mind and body to be unaltered), then it finds its happy place: pure awareness.

When I introduce the highly marketable and profitable idea of controlling pain, my consciousness gives up its potential for pure awareness

Growing up in this society, I have learned and bought into a desire to control. For instance, when I see negative thoughts, I want to alter them. Or, when something feels amazing, I want to perpetuate that feeling.

In a world of uncertainty and powerlessness, humans are fighting with our consciousnesses to control certainty and power in our lives. But, the more illusions of power and control we acquire with our human-made structures…the more tense, anxious, depressed, lost, and empty we become.

It is very similar to us trying to stop pain with anti-depressants…which then causes anxiety, so we take anti-anxiety medication…which causes diarrhea, so we take anti-diarrhea medication…which makes us drowsy, so we take anti-drowsy medication…and all of them together cause depression again, so we take a stronger anti-depressant.

The more we try to control…the more we feel we need to try to control to keep up the illusion that we have control. Control recycles control within a cycle of desperate attempts to control.

Empowerment is the process and the consistent practice of becoming stronger and more confident in guiding one’s life and claiming one’s rights

My mind’s got this. My body’s got this. Pain will come. Pain will go. Happiness will come. Happiness will go.

When I use my consciousness how it was meant to be used…as a lightbulb…as pure awareness…then I understand my mind and body more; I see my needs more clearly and nurture them to grow and flourish; I find my preference in direction; and, I understand that I have the ability to guide my own choices…instead of being dragged around by my thoughts, emotions, and impulses.

My mind is here to process those thoughts, emotions, physical feelings, memories, temptations, and impulses. And, as a human, I am aware of them. And, with this awareness, I allow anger to fight with anger inside my unaltered mind until it moves on…until it eventually finds nothing to process besides what is right here…and right now…a place where my mind, body, and pure awareness line up with this present moment.

Lovin’ Me by Kid Cudi & Phoebe Bridgers (Cover by Kevin Carlstead)

About Kevin Carlstead

I graduated as a hospitality and psychology student at University of Denver. I spent most of my teenage and young adult years in the hospitality industry. I am still searching for what industry suits my personality and talents so that I can feel more meaning throughout my days. My current career pursuit has me enrolled in a graduate program to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I was born and raised in San Diego, CA. I love music with something to it. I love life with something to it. I have made it one of my purposes in this life to integrate both of these things that I love. This blog and my own songwriting has given me the platforms to do that very thing. Thank you for reading.
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5 Responses to Loving Me

  1. Eugenie Carlstead says:

    Wow. Thanks Kevin. For the music and the message.
    There is this poem about how a salmon (I think it was) and how a salmon is going to be a salmon because that is who he is, etc…but then why do fight our own nature as human beings and think we are supposed to be, what. Robots?I will look for it and send it on. But I have been thinking about that this week fir some reason too. Thank you again fir your thought provoking message with so much insight.

  2. calmkate says:

    Hi Kevin … this post reads like my eastern philosophy I’ve read!

    Nice to meet you and welcome to WP 🙂

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