I have a question for everyone about how to popularize being non-masculine (or, at least, popularizing the replacement of the current status quo definition of “masculine”):
Every white male abiding by the rules of toxic masculinity (that I have met) has had to live with that person inside their own mind too. Most men want to leave this world of toxic masculinity. Or, they probably would, if they consciously heard how they spoke to themselves everyday and how that degrades their mental health, others’ well being, and society over-time. But, so often, men walk into public and feel this requirement to wear these behaviors that will ensure they fit the creed of the masculine male.
“Non-masculine” men are made fun of so frequently that it typically makes men want to stay above that embarrassment. Movies, tv shows, advertising, and media influencers show frequent examples of toxic masculinity. In our homes and in public, we see frequent examples of dominance, promiscuity, being stoic, championing heterosexuality, and not engaging in household chores (just a few examples of the issues).
It takes a massive amount of courage to go against the grain from such a violent status quo and such a massive norm. I am taking those steps of courage, but it has taken so many years of unlearning and relearning…and, I have also had to accept this lonely pursuit as I lose friends and don’t seem to fit in with the majority of new acquaintances I meet. But, to me, it’s been worth it because (to be honest) I never had a real connection when I tried to join the masculinity train anyway…and now all I want is true and natural connections with people.
My question is, how do we make these “steps of courage” towards a vulnerable and sensitive male more popular? That is how a major shift in white males flocking to this “way of being” will happen. If their friends are doing it. If their idols are doing it. The transition away from masculinity would be so easy without guys bashing each other for resembling a sensitive human being (a paradox as we are inherently sensitive creatures).
It is natural to be vulnerable and sensitive. Otherwise, it wouldn’t impact our mental health in such positive and beneficial ways. Also, once we allow our vulnerability and sensitivity, we are more warm and humble with others…making it easier and more natural to connect with and love one another. I also believe it would change the way our society and communities gather and support one another too.
I don’t know how to change the world. But, based on my experience, I think leading by example and showing others through personal evidence will help popularize giving up masculinity.
I am excited to hear your perspective on answering this question!
“Faded to the grain
Can’t hear the mumbling complaints
Where canons rust
Swim against the current with trust
In the morning when waters are still
Ropes are cut
Unclear patterns when eyes are shut“